Dear Friends,
It’s (almost) a wrap! Tomorrow I will be handing in my final grades for the semester, and after that we’re heading into winter break. We return on January 5 for a planning week, and the first day of next semester is January 12.
Today I want to talk about a topic that applies to musicians of all levels: how we talk to ourselves.
In one of my student’s lessons earlier this month, the topic of “negative self-talk” came up. Negative self-talk is when you speak harshly to yourself in the hopes of goading yourself into improvement or learning something faster.
This came up when my student shared with me that she was somewhat nervous about practicing her piece at a faster tempo, because she felt like she was afraid to make mistakes. I asked her “What happens when you make a mistake?” and she said “I’m worried that it means I’m not a good pianist.”
As we spoke, she shared with me the negative voice in her head that keeps telling her things like “This better be good!” or “Don’t mess this up!” or “You’re not really that good.”
Can you relate?
I asked her, “Do you find it helpful when your inner voice talks that way to you? Does it make you play better when you’re thinking thoughts like that?” She thought about it for a moment and eventually said, “Actually, no, not really!”
As the conversation continued, we determined that she would never talk to her students that way, or her friends. So, she was reserving her harshest words for herself.
I assured her that everyone has these internal voices that come from self-doubt, and the trick isn’t to try to silence the voice, but instead, learn to identify it and live with it.
In his indispensable book Performance Success: Performing Your Best Under Pressure, Dr. Don Greene talks about negative self-talk as a “stick” that high performers use to try to motivate themselves. He writes:
“The stick approach can and usually does backfire. Assaulted by verbal abuse, your confidence can plummet, and your key muscles can lock up with tension. Suddenly, you find yourself trapped in a nightmare of screaming critical voices.”
There are many strategies to manage the voice, once you recognize it. I like to talk back to it.
I once learned a strategy where you actually give the critical voice in your head a name, and then, when the voice shows up, you can say to it: “Not now, I’m busy concentrating on this thing I’m doing.”
The critical voice in my head is named “Bob” and so I just say to Bob, when he shows up before a performance, “Bob: I know you’re talking to me to try to keep me safe, but actually I’m super busy here getting ready for this concert, so I’m going to have to chat with you later.”
And later never comes.
It’s helpful to speak back strongly to your inner critic. You can just say: NO - or, perhaps, imagine a stop sign that appears when the voice comes.
If you’re not used to talking back to your inner critic, try it – it’s fun! It can be very empowering to shut it down. But be prepared to talk back over and over, because it will keep having things to say.
The first step to addressing negative self-talk is to notice these thoughts as they appear. For many people, the negative voice just happens as a running commentary.
When you’re practicing, be on the lookout. When you notice your inner critic yapping away, criticizing you for something you’re doing, just talk back to it.
It can also be helpful to do a play-through of a piece and, immediately afterward write down the negative statements that you heard in your head while you played. Then, write a positive or constructive statement right after it to counter that negative one. For example:
- “I always miss that jump.” becomes: “Aim for the low A.”
- “I’ll never be any good.” becomes: “I get better every day I practice.”
Don’t tolerate your inner critic beating you up – learn to talk to yourself with encouragement and patience, the way you’d talk to a young student or a close friend.
Try it this week and let me know how it goes!
I wish you and yours a happy, healthy holiday season! ✨
Kate